McCabe's World Same Same But Different

Die Welt spricht Dunglish, Spanglish, Franglais oder Denglish - aber selten Englisch. Warum es so knifflig ist, mit Nicht-Muttersprachlern zu sprechen.

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English language authorities pride themselves on the fact that there is no central governing entity for their tongue equivalent to the Académie Française or the Real Academia Española. This speaks at once to the American instinct for liberty and the English affection for individualism. But as propaganda ministries such as The British Council trumpet the imminent domination of Global English, the real threat may not lie in other world heavyweights like Chinese or Spanish but in the very mouths of its new converts. Test: Sind Sie gehetzt oder ruhen Sie in sich? The glocalization of the English language is resulting in swarms of hybrid dialects graced with playful portmanteau titles. You may have heard of Denglish, but what about Dunglish (Dutch English)? Spanglish and Franglais you are probably familiar with, but have you heard of Swenglish or Runglish? This last, also known as Russlish, is the chosen medium for speech communities as far apart as Brighton Beach, Brooklyn and the International Space Station. The subcontinent of India is home to a host of genetically modified Englishes, some of which boast as many speakers as the so-called English language itself. So welcome to Hinglish (with over 350 million users), Punglish (Punjabi English), Bonglish (Bengali English) and Tamlish (Tamil English). Welcome also to the plethora of Asian Englishes, including Manglish (Malaysian English), Singlish (Singapore English), Chinglish (Chinese English), Konglish (Korean English) or Janglish (Japanese English).

It’s a commonly held belief among non-native speakers of English that communication with other non-native users is easy. It’s native English usage that’s tricky. This is rubbish. What about the fact that Indian users of the language speak more than twice as fast as speakers from southern parts of the United States (180 words a minute as opposed to 70)? Interfacing directly with native English is one thing, but as 88 percent of the world’s population are non-native speakers the chances are that you will mostly be faced with the ambiguities of Spanglish, Runglish or Hinglish instead. And what a rich poetic gobbledygook that will produce.

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I’ve often exposed the meaninglessness of Denglish in these columns (oldtimers are people, body bags are for human corpses) but are you ready to understand all the other Denglishes in the universe? German speakers don’t buy phrasal verbs (as witness the nonplussed response to the Douglas pitch “Come In and Find Out”) but neither, seemingly, do many Indians. So in Hinglish you don’t bring forward a meeting, you “prepone” it. Logical yes, English no. And in Korea, remember, your “meeting” is really a blind date. Just as jogging becomes “le footing” in Franglais and talk shows in Janglish become “wide-shows”. Your Leo dictionary won’t be any help with “skyjuice” in Manglish (water) and “airdash” in Hinglish (air travel). Russians will mean dishonest when they say “unfair”, just as Koreans will mean free of charge when they say “service”. A “deiof” in Spanglish is a day off, just as a “kompiuteraki” in Greeklish is a laptop. Doing “biznes” in Polglish can be a challenge, as can working “teknologi wayarles” in Manglish.

Chancers such as Jean-Paul Nerrière believe that a minimized global dialect of English – Globish – can swing the balance in favour of non-native speakers, but at 1500 words it sure as hell won’t be able to convey the flood of global nuance and idiom currently transforming the world’s most inclusive language. In India, global players such as Coca-Cola and McDonald’s are already embracing these hybrid lingos in their advertising. “Life ho to aisi”. Yes, of course, “Life should be like this”. “What your bahana is?” You mean, what’s my “excuse” for choosing McDonald’s? Technically known as discoursal nativization, this kind of code-switching facilitates local communication at the expense of global understanding. And that, my dears, is the real story behind the English language. Sind Sie fit genug für die Karriere? The American poet Walt Whitman once wrote: “Viewed freely, the English language is the accretion and growth of every dialect, race and range of time and is both the free and compacted composition of all.” The Swedes will continue to “hop over” (skip) lunch just as the Indians will keep trying to do a “hazaar” (thousand) things at the same time. Or as they say in Tinglish, same same but different.

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